by Jake Anderson
(Anti-Media) There’s a new poll out in Florida and it’s a weirdly morbid one. According to Public Policy Polling, in response to the question “Do you think Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, or not?,” 10 percent of the Sunshine State says ‘yes.’ 28 percent said they were not sure.
‘Zodiac Killer’ is the name given to an unidentified serial killer who claims to have murdered 37 people in northern California. Police have only confirmed five of these murders but, well, that’s enough to qualify as a serial killer. The Zodiac Killer was also notorious for confounding Bay Area authorities by sending cryptographic letters to the press.
When translated, the cipher reads as follows:
“I LIKE KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN IT IS MORE FUN THAN KILLING WILD GAME IN THE FORREST BECAUSE MAN IS THE MOST DANGEROUE ANAMAL OF ALL TO KILL SOMETHING GIVES ME THE MOST THRILLING EXPERENCE IT IS EVEN BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF WITH A GIRL THE BEST PART OF IT IS THAE WHEN I DIE I WILL BE REBORN IN PARADICE AND THEI HAVE KILLED WILL BECOME MY SLAVES I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY NAME BECAUSE YOU WILL TRY TO SLOI DOWN OR ATOP MY COLLECTIOG OF SLAVES FOR MY AFTERLIFE EBEORIETEMETHHPITI”
Admittedly, Ted Cruz is a bit more eloquent. However, with his campaign floundering in the wake of Donald Trump’s meteoric political rise, how telling is it that over a third of the state of Florida isn’t sure whether or not he is an infamous serial killer? Facetious or not, the poll result doesn’t bode well for an evangelical that has already been an online punching bag.
Then again, how big of a difference is there really between the sociopathic behavior of a serial killer and the targeted drone killings of a president? Maybe Cruz is the man to unite the previously disparate worlds of serial murder and war crimes.
Test your knowledge with a quiz entitled “Who Said It, A Serial Killer or a US President?”